Cochlear-Implants Eve

Tomorrow is the big day!

After 19 years of extremely limited hearing and limited technology to improve on that limited hearing, I finally have a chance to change that tomorrow. While it's still to early to say that it will be a resounding success (I know, it's tempting, isn't it?), I feel very confident that it will at least improve upon my current hearing.

In the last few weeks, I've had time to reflect and realize there are two things I wanted to accomplish by undergoing this process to receive a cochlear implant.

First and foremost is stability. While the idea of a cochlear implant has always been at the back of my mind, it was the realization back in January that my hearing in my right ear could no longer be counted on for stability. With my hearing coming and going, seemingly at will, I can remember the incredible frustration and aloneness I felt when I climbed into my dorm loft at night, wondering if I would be able to hear the next morning or not. Although my hearing has returned and remained largely stable (meaning I can hear enough to wear my hearing aid again) since Spring Break, the fear of losing my hearing again has had a devestating effect on many aspects of my life...living in fear of my hearing was not something I wanted to do because it really keeps you from getting into a rhythm and getting on with your life. Each time I lost my hearing, I had to adjust to a new way of living, and each time I regained it, I had to try and pick up the pieces and return to a semi-normalcy. As I began to crave stability, the idea of a cochlear moved from the back burner to a major idea at the forefront of my thoughts. The success rate of cochlear implant users is impressive, and I feel that I would consider this implant process a success if it is able to allow my left ear to hear on an equal footing to the hearing I currently have in my right ear. While I feel that it is also reasonable to expect to hear even better than what I currently have (like, REALLY REALLY possible!), I will be thrilled, when it comes to stability, I know that goal will be accomplished when my hearing reaches what I currently have in my right ear.

The second goal is pretty obvious...perhaps even more obvious than stability. I know tomorrow, I will begin a path down a road that could potentially lead me to better hearing than I've ever had in my life. So many things in my life can change with this implant and better hearing. It thrills me to know that my ability to listen to music can be changed with this implant...from understanding the lyrics to a song, to identifying types of instruments being played, to distinguish between pitches and harmonies, even to be able to understand and recognize the strains of Tiger Rag floating through Death Valley...is something that excites me every day to know the day I might finally be able to do all of those things is getting close. To know that I'll have enough hearing to one day hear my wife, and then hear my kids is definitely thinking long-term, but when your problem is long-term, it is surprisingly easy to think that far ahead. It excites me to know that I might finally be able to hold my own in a group conversation...to hear everything everyone says (or at least enough to keep up with the conversation) and then be able to respond immediately to someone. It will be nice even to hear a person in the group tell a joke and be able to laugh immediately at the punch line, rather than to laugh belatedly, five seconds later and sounding like the world's slowest "joke-getter". It excites me to know that I might finally be on equal footing with the rest of my classmates at Clemson. I made it through Moultrie and Wando on much less, and while I know I can do the same at Clemson, I want the chance to do it with better hearing. I don't want you to think I'm getting too far ahead of myself, because I know my hearing won't be perfect, even if this implant works as well as it is expected. But to be honest, I've lived on so little, that any improvement above and beyond what I currently have will be that much closer to normalcy and perfection. I feel the need to believe that this will be as good as everyone says it will be...God has been good to me for 19 years, and I have every confidence and peace of mind that He will continue to be good to me.

People keep asking if I'm nervous about tomorrow. I guess I have to say that I am not. Maybe it's from growing up in the Carolinas, especially at the beach, but I've always considered myself a fairly laid-back guy (most of the time!) and that I have the ability to take things one day at a time. I'm also fairly realistic, and while I know tomorrow is necessary, I know it will also be akin to a test run. We probably won't even begin the mapping, which is necessary to begin developing my sense of hearing with the implant, until the next day. I am not expecting tomorrow to be painful or anything of that sort, so there really is nothing to worry about. The painful part is over, now it's time to focus on the rehabilitation of my auditory nerves, which can be more frustrating than painful...

In any case, it's good to be a kid, especially a college kid, at this critical stage in my life. For most of us, we are still brimming with hope and confidence. We are invincible, masters of our destiny. It feels like we have the rest of our lives to fix our mistakes and 'get it right'. Having waited as long as possible, I know I am receiving a superior cochlear implant. The stage has been set, I don't think God could have picked a better time for me to do this...my mindset, the technology, and even the people around me...everything is geared towards ensuring that this is as wonderful as it can be. Now, it's left for me and the rest of us to believe and have faith to see it the rest of the way.

Thanks for the prayers for me, and especially the prayers from those who were keeping up with my brother and his friends in Honduras. They made it back safely last night. Unfortunately, most of them had their luggage left behind, so we're waitin for that to show up sometime in the next few days!

Blessings to you all!